January 12, 2013 Aunt Patrice to Job
Dear Job,
Lord, I can’t imagine how long it’s been since we last saw each other. You’re really behind. I married Jim Diamond in 1994 and divorced him in 2010, though he and I separated in 2004. He was a charming, delightful man but a drug addict and alcoholic. It became a matter of cutting him loose to save myself. Now that I’m living back in Acy I want to change my name back to Darcy, but it would be a huge hassle and I’ve had other things on my mind, as I’m sure you know. You said the necklace went to the “Best Rack”. I see you’re behind on that too. I had a breast reduction in 1999, so I just have an ordinary rack now...nothing to award prizes for.
I’ll try to send you a picture once I re-grow my hair and eyebrows. I’d love to send you a picture of Crane, but Archie and I would have to sedate him and tie him up. You think you’re a loner. You have no idea! You should write to him. He’s intelligent and funny, but a man of few words. There’s an outside chance he might write you back, but don’t get your hopes up. It’s odd that he’s formed a relationship with your mom. Chrissy has made inroads where no one else has ever been successful. Crane goes over there every Tuesday to teach her how to use the computer. I have no idea what they talk about, but apparently they have bonded on some level.
I asked about what you’re studying because I wanted to send you a book for Christmas, but had no idea what you might be interested in reading. I’m into politics and religion too. I haven’t read fiction in years. You probably don’t realize that Diana, Crane, Archie and I are all godless heathens. Given my background growing up in a fanatically Mormon home, I’m obsessed with trying to figure out how intelligent people I love and respect can believe what appears to me to have been a conspicuous con. Mormonism has the misfortune among religions of having come of age during the era of rigorous scholarly historical research. And, to put the tin hat on it, all of this history is laid out before inquiring minds on the internet today. It ain’t like it used to be. The church is hemorrhaging members as fast as it signs them up.
My apostasy is a source of consternation to Chrissy and Molly (and perhaps you) as you might imagine, so it’s something I mostly keep to myself here in Acy. I was even going to church before I got sick. It hasn’t been nearly as painful as it was when I was a shame-based girl. It’s still terminally tedious though. Testimony meeting hasn’t changed in fifty years except that people no longer thank Heavenly Father for their pretty white skin. It’s been nice re-connecting with my childhood. As I’ve said, “I don’t believe in Mormonism, but I do believe in Mormons.” My kids don’t know what that means, but you might. I read lots of books on Mormon history. One of the best ones is the biography of Joseph Smith, No Man Knows My History, by Fawn McKay Brodie. This biography is regarded as the best and most authoritative one out there. It was first published in 1948, I think. Brodie’s dead now, but was a highly respected historian and the niece of David O. McKay, who you may or may not remember was president of the church when your parents and I were growing up. It’s an incredibly moving book, though not faith promoting I warn you. Brodie loved Joseph Smith but she paints a clear-eyed portrait of a fascinating, gifted swindler in it for power and pussy (my words, not hers). Diana called me in tears at one point while she was reading it. You cannot help but feel deep sympathy for the man, for his ambition and creative genius so stymied by poverty, superstition, and lack of opportunity. He could have perhaps been an American Shakespeare had he been born in the right time and place to the right parents. It’s the kind of story that resonates with lots of us.
Another seminal book, one I read more about ten or so years ago, is Blowback by Chalmers Johnson. After 9-11 I became obsessed with trying to figure out why so much of the world hates America. This book went a long way to explain it. I gave an audio version of it to your dad several years ago and I think it informed Joe as well. I love books about science and scientists. Some are easier than others. As I said, I have a hard time with physics. But one of my heroes, Richard Feynman (Nobel Prize in physics) said if you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don’t understand quantum mechanics. That made me feel a little better. The biography of Einstein by Walter Isaacson is good. I enjoy books about biological/anthropological sciences and I can usually follow them. Just read a good one, Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond. Diamond explains why some civilizations advanced while others didn’t, and it had nothing to do with race. Another good book is War Against the Weak, which is a story of how science can go wrong. I don’t know what kind of books you might have access to in the prison library or what the protocol is for sending books to you. Archie told me she sent you stamps and that was a dangerous, subversive thing to do. Yikes!
I’m knocked out by how well you write. You’re so witty and intelligent. Something I didn’t know. You’ve managed to pull off the fiction that you’ve spent your whole life “getting punched in the head”. This leads me to a deep question: Why the fk are you in jail? With that brain, theoretically you could do anything. So here’s your assignment should you choose to accept it, send me your life story...all of it. Start at the beginning. By the time you’re out, I want to know all of it, good and bad. Archie thinks your mother has some really strange form of genius. She went over there to teach her to knit. She said Chrissy picked it up so quickly and effortlessly it was spooky. This strange Darcy-Clemons genius-idiot mix is incredibly fascinating. I want to understand it and you have the time and skill to help me, plus I have some insights about Joey that you may value. I have a hard time imagining a guy who looks like Conan the Barbarian crocheting a pink afghan. Avery just showed me. Amazing! I’m tempted to send you some yarn, but I’d prefer you spend your time writing your autobiography so I can publish it and make us both rich and famous.
BTW, Archie is fluent in Spanish. In fact, during high school, she actually studied Spanish in Spain one summer and spent a couple of weeks each year living with Mexican families in Mexico. She can help you with anything you need. You’re absolutely right about it being an important language. Nearly all public signage and labeling is now in both English and Spanish. You’ve been in lock down so long, you may not even know that. There’s been so much Latino immigration in the last few years that Anglos will soon be a minority, a fact that has Republicans and other crazies arming themselves to the teeth.
As to music, I’m a square and don’t know much about popular music. Plus, I love silence. A few years ago, I got into opera in a big way. I love it because it’s hyper-emotional and melodramatic. My favorite opera is The Magic Flute by Mozart. It’s incredibly nutty and beautiful. I listened to it so much that when Crane was little he said there was music coming out of my ears. When I listen to opera, tears squirt out my eyes. I remember when Mama used to do that and embarrass me soooo much. Payback’s a bitch. Aargh! Archie has great taste in music. She listens to lots of world music from Africa and all sorts of weird places. Once while Daddy was dying and Archie and I were driving to Acy to see him, she played the Gypsy Kings. It was the first time I’d ever heard them. Now when I hear them I can’t stop crying. It brings me back to the sad old days of Daddy’s horror of the punishment he was sure was waiting for him after death. It tore my heart out that this good, hard-working, loving man would end his days in terror and superstition. If I can keep my wits about me, that’s not the way I intend to go.
Love,
Aunt Patrice
Lord, I can’t imagine how long it’s been since we last saw each other. You’re really behind. I married Jim Diamond in 1994 and divorced him in 2010, though he and I separated in 2004. He was a charming, delightful man but a drug addict and alcoholic. It became a matter of cutting him loose to save myself. Now that I’m living back in Acy I want to change my name back to Darcy, but it would be a huge hassle and I’ve had other things on my mind, as I’m sure you know. You said the necklace went to the “Best Rack”. I see you’re behind on that too. I had a breast reduction in 1999, so I just have an ordinary rack now...nothing to award prizes for.
I’ll try to send you a picture once I re-grow my hair and eyebrows. I’d love to send you a picture of Crane, but Archie and I would have to sedate him and tie him up. You think you’re a loner. You have no idea! You should write to him. He’s intelligent and funny, but a man of few words. There’s an outside chance he might write you back, but don’t get your hopes up. It’s odd that he’s formed a relationship with your mom. Chrissy has made inroads where no one else has ever been successful. Crane goes over there every Tuesday to teach her how to use the computer. I have no idea what they talk about, but apparently they have bonded on some level.
I asked about what you’re studying because I wanted to send you a book for Christmas, but had no idea what you might be interested in reading. I’m into politics and religion too. I haven’t read fiction in years. You probably don’t realize that Diana, Crane, Archie and I are all godless heathens. Given my background growing up in a fanatically Mormon home, I’m obsessed with trying to figure out how intelligent people I love and respect can believe what appears to me to have been a conspicuous con. Mormonism has the misfortune among religions of having come of age during the era of rigorous scholarly historical research. And, to put the tin hat on it, all of this history is laid out before inquiring minds on the internet today. It ain’t like it used to be. The church is hemorrhaging members as fast as it signs them up.
My apostasy is a source of consternation to Chrissy and Molly (and perhaps you) as you might imagine, so it’s something I mostly keep to myself here in Acy. I was even going to church before I got sick. It hasn’t been nearly as painful as it was when I was a shame-based girl. It’s still terminally tedious though. Testimony meeting hasn’t changed in fifty years except that people no longer thank Heavenly Father for their pretty white skin. It’s been nice re-connecting with my childhood. As I’ve said, “I don’t believe in Mormonism, but I do believe in Mormons.” My kids don’t know what that means, but you might. I read lots of books on Mormon history. One of the best ones is the biography of Joseph Smith, No Man Knows My History, by Fawn McKay Brodie. This biography is regarded as the best and most authoritative one out there. It was first published in 1948, I think. Brodie’s dead now, but was a highly respected historian and the niece of David O. McKay, who you may or may not remember was president of the church when your parents and I were growing up. It’s an incredibly moving book, though not faith promoting I warn you. Brodie loved Joseph Smith but she paints a clear-eyed portrait of a fascinating, gifted swindler in it for power and pussy (my words, not hers). Diana called me in tears at one point while she was reading it. You cannot help but feel deep sympathy for the man, for his ambition and creative genius so stymied by poverty, superstition, and lack of opportunity. He could have perhaps been an American Shakespeare had he been born in the right time and place to the right parents. It’s the kind of story that resonates with lots of us.
Another seminal book, one I read more about ten or so years ago, is Blowback by Chalmers Johnson. After 9-11 I became obsessed with trying to figure out why so much of the world hates America. This book went a long way to explain it. I gave an audio version of it to your dad several years ago and I think it informed Joe as well. I love books about science and scientists. Some are easier than others. As I said, I have a hard time with physics. But one of my heroes, Richard Feynman (Nobel Prize in physics) said if you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don’t understand quantum mechanics. That made me feel a little better. The biography of Einstein by Walter Isaacson is good. I enjoy books about biological/anthropological sciences and I can usually follow them. Just read a good one, Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond. Diamond explains why some civilizations advanced while others didn’t, and it had nothing to do with race. Another good book is War Against the Weak, which is a story of how science can go wrong. I don’t know what kind of books you might have access to in the prison library or what the protocol is for sending books to you. Archie told me she sent you stamps and that was a dangerous, subversive thing to do. Yikes!
I’m knocked out by how well you write. You’re so witty and intelligent. Something I didn’t know. You’ve managed to pull off the fiction that you’ve spent your whole life “getting punched in the head”. This leads me to a deep question: Why the fk are you in jail? With that brain, theoretically you could do anything. So here’s your assignment should you choose to accept it, send me your life story...all of it. Start at the beginning. By the time you’re out, I want to know all of it, good and bad. Archie thinks your mother has some really strange form of genius. She went over there to teach her to knit. She said Chrissy picked it up so quickly and effortlessly it was spooky. This strange Darcy-Clemons genius-idiot mix is incredibly fascinating. I want to understand it and you have the time and skill to help me, plus I have some insights about Joey that you may value. I have a hard time imagining a guy who looks like Conan the Barbarian crocheting a pink afghan. Avery just showed me. Amazing! I’m tempted to send you some yarn, but I’d prefer you spend your time writing your autobiography so I can publish it and make us both rich and famous.
BTW, Archie is fluent in Spanish. In fact, during high school, she actually studied Spanish in Spain one summer and spent a couple of weeks each year living with Mexican families in Mexico. She can help you with anything you need. You’re absolutely right about it being an important language. Nearly all public signage and labeling is now in both English and Spanish. You’ve been in lock down so long, you may not even know that. There’s been so much Latino immigration in the last few years that Anglos will soon be a minority, a fact that has Republicans and other crazies arming themselves to the teeth.
As to music, I’m a square and don’t know much about popular music. Plus, I love silence. A few years ago, I got into opera in a big way. I love it because it’s hyper-emotional and melodramatic. My favorite opera is The Magic Flute by Mozart. It’s incredibly nutty and beautiful. I listened to it so much that when Crane was little he said there was music coming out of my ears. When I listen to opera, tears squirt out my eyes. I remember when Mama used to do that and embarrass me soooo much. Payback’s a bitch. Aargh! Archie has great taste in music. She listens to lots of world music from Africa and all sorts of weird places. Once while Daddy was dying and Archie and I were driving to Acy to see him, she played the Gypsy Kings. It was the first time I’d ever heard them. Now when I hear them I can’t stop crying. It brings me back to the sad old days of Daddy’s horror of the punishment he was sure was waiting for him after death. It tore my heart out that this good, hard-working, loving man would end his days in terror and superstition. If I can keep my wits about me, that’s not the way I intend to go.
Love,
Aunt Patrice
