February 10, 2013 Aunt Patrice to Job
Dear Job,
Thanks for your letter and the love poem. It’s the only one I’ve ever gotten. I just had a long, wonderful conversation with Jack and he helped me clarify some issues with where you’re coming from regarding the religion thing. I do not want that to be something between us that prevents us from being honest with each other. I have to be soooo careful around Molly and Chrissy. I think you and I are safe. Phew!
Jack also told me that you write and rewrite the way I do, which makes sense and makes me feel a little better, actually. Here I work like a dog while you write like Hemingway with little apparent effort. Sheesh! I’d kill for your talent. Where I take twenty words to say something, you say it better in ten. You are sooooo gifted. I honestly believe you can write The Book of Job and that it’ll be worth reading. I sure want to read it. I asked my friend, the writer to whom I sent your short story, what advice I should give you. She said to tell you to read, read, read. I’m going to start thinking of some books to recommend. She also said to start writing and to get over the compulsive rewriting thing we both do, just get it on paper. Easier said than done I know. You might want to send me stuff in a raw form with the idea that we could toss things back and forth and I could help you get over the OCD. I wish you had a laptop. I have an old one but no idea how to get it to you or how long it would even last.
Crane’s a good, witty writer too and you’d enjoy corresponding with him if—and that’s a big if—you can get him engaged. It’s not something I can do. You’ll have to initiate it if you’re interested. I’ve been amazed with how much Chrissy and Joey are bringing him out of his shell. Maybe they’ve mentioned it. If you think Joey was bad, he’s a prince among men compared to that asshole Walker Dunbar. Crane hasn't spoken to his father in twelve years and Walker doesn’t give a rat’s ass. It’s been a year since Archie has spoken to her father. Yep, the pain is real and there’s lots of it to go around.
RE “...the last thing I need is for Science News to be telling me that I’m psychotic...” I’m appalled that’s your takeaway. That’s not at all what I intended. What I wanted you to get from the article is that I don’t take the out-of-body experience you described with the red-eyed demon as evidence of either the supernatural OR psychosis. Such are common human experiences that neuroscientists are finally beginning to study and understand. Sure, there ARE psychotics and even sane people who’ve had psychotic episodes. I’m one of the latter. Even though it’s not something I would have known about you until recently, I’ve discovered to my relief and delight that you’re waaay too lucid to ever be called psychotic, not by me anyway.
RE how I’m feeling: I’m extremely weak and tired. I spend most of my time on the couch blobbing and reading. I hate myself for it, but I know I have to go through this process. I have so many things I want to do. I’m finally feeling a little more sociable—answering my phone, for instance—so it seems I’m getting some energy back, but it’s going to be a struggle. The biopsy I had on my right shoulder blade came back showing no sign of cancer. However, about 6 weeks ago I got what looked like a tick on the back of my head. Four weeks after I finished chemo, it started to bloom and look exactly like every melanoma picture on Google. I had it removed Jan. 30 and STILL do not have the fking biopsy results. It’s driving us all nuts. Archie has put her life on hold for a year and is suffering from a raging case of cabin fever. She wants to get back to her life and here this shit happens. I’ve already told her that I refuse to let her mark time any longer regardless of the biopsy results. It’ll be up to Crane and he can do it. Plus, now that he’s helping your mom and dad, I don’t feel guilty asking Chrissy and Joey to help me more. One of the scientists Archie worked with in Albuquerque has been offered an assistant professorship in Baltimore and wants to hire her. I’m insisting she take the job if she’s offered it.
RE “Do you think that you and Diana could maybe like...” What, dress you up in girls’ clothes and put makeup on you? Sure, and we’ll call you Jennifer, you sicko.
RE the puppy story: Have you heard the story of when Daddy lined up us five kids (before Uncle Wayne came along) against the wall in the old house and threatened to shoot us with his shotgun if we didn’t pipe down? We all have lots to tell a therapist. Daddy could be as big an asshole as your dad was, but Daddy’s own alcoholic father beat his mother with a hammer and put her in a nursing home where she died shortly thereafter. So by that measure, Dan and Joe Darcy are saints. Your Uncle Dave told me something really meaningful years ago. I was talking to him about what an abusive rageaholic Daddy was. Davey said that when he and Sophie were first married, he would act out that familiar scenario—yelling, punching holes in walls, etc. Then one day in the middle of one of those scenes, a light went off and he realized, “I don’t have to act this way.” I had a similar epiphany. It sounds like you did too. The inter-generational cycle of abuse is one of the most difficult to break and few people can do it—certainly not two kids as young, dumb, and full of come as Chrissy and Joey were when they became parents. It’s always been painful for me knowing what you kids were going through. I myself would be crying now if it weren’t for the Prozac. Before Prozac, I spent years trying to commit suicide by crying. I love you, Dear One. I’m so grateful to have you to talk to.
Looka there, she ain’t got no hair. Will you looka there, she ain’t got no eyebrows either.
Love,
Aunt Patrice
Thanks for your letter and the love poem. It’s the only one I’ve ever gotten. I just had a long, wonderful conversation with Jack and he helped me clarify some issues with where you’re coming from regarding the religion thing. I do not want that to be something between us that prevents us from being honest with each other. I have to be soooo careful around Molly and Chrissy. I think you and I are safe. Phew!
Jack also told me that you write and rewrite the way I do, which makes sense and makes me feel a little better, actually. Here I work like a dog while you write like Hemingway with little apparent effort. Sheesh! I’d kill for your talent. Where I take twenty words to say something, you say it better in ten. You are sooooo gifted. I honestly believe you can write The Book of Job and that it’ll be worth reading. I sure want to read it. I asked my friend, the writer to whom I sent your short story, what advice I should give you. She said to tell you to read, read, read. I’m going to start thinking of some books to recommend. She also said to start writing and to get over the compulsive rewriting thing we both do, just get it on paper. Easier said than done I know. You might want to send me stuff in a raw form with the idea that we could toss things back and forth and I could help you get over the OCD. I wish you had a laptop. I have an old one but no idea how to get it to you or how long it would even last.
Crane’s a good, witty writer too and you’d enjoy corresponding with him if—and that’s a big if—you can get him engaged. It’s not something I can do. You’ll have to initiate it if you’re interested. I’ve been amazed with how much Chrissy and Joey are bringing him out of his shell. Maybe they’ve mentioned it. If you think Joey was bad, he’s a prince among men compared to that asshole Walker Dunbar. Crane hasn't spoken to his father in twelve years and Walker doesn’t give a rat’s ass. It’s been a year since Archie has spoken to her father. Yep, the pain is real and there’s lots of it to go around.
RE “...the last thing I need is for Science News to be telling me that I’m psychotic...” I’m appalled that’s your takeaway. That’s not at all what I intended. What I wanted you to get from the article is that I don’t take the out-of-body experience you described with the red-eyed demon as evidence of either the supernatural OR psychosis. Such are common human experiences that neuroscientists are finally beginning to study and understand. Sure, there ARE psychotics and even sane people who’ve had psychotic episodes. I’m one of the latter. Even though it’s not something I would have known about you until recently, I’ve discovered to my relief and delight that you’re waaay too lucid to ever be called psychotic, not by me anyway.
RE how I’m feeling: I’m extremely weak and tired. I spend most of my time on the couch blobbing and reading. I hate myself for it, but I know I have to go through this process. I have so many things I want to do. I’m finally feeling a little more sociable—answering my phone, for instance—so it seems I’m getting some energy back, but it’s going to be a struggle. The biopsy I had on my right shoulder blade came back showing no sign of cancer. However, about 6 weeks ago I got what looked like a tick on the back of my head. Four weeks after I finished chemo, it started to bloom and look exactly like every melanoma picture on Google. I had it removed Jan. 30 and STILL do not have the fking biopsy results. It’s driving us all nuts. Archie has put her life on hold for a year and is suffering from a raging case of cabin fever. She wants to get back to her life and here this shit happens. I’ve already told her that I refuse to let her mark time any longer regardless of the biopsy results. It’ll be up to Crane and he can do it. Plus, now that he’s helping your mom and dad, I don’t feel guilty asking Chrissy and Joey to help me more. One of the scientists Archie worked with in Albuquerque has been offered an assistant professorship in Baltimore and wants to hire her. I’m insisting she take the job if she’s offered it.
RE “Do you think that you and Diana could maybe like...” What, dress you up in girls’ clothes and put makeup on you? Sure, and we’ll call you Jennifer, you sicko.
RE the puppy story: Have you heard the story of when Daddy lined up us five kids (before Uncle Wayne came along) against the wall in the old house and threatened to shoot us with his shotgun if we didn’t pipe down? We all have lots to tell a therapist. Daddy could be as big an asshole as your dad was, but Daddy’s own alcoholic father beat his mother with a hammer and put her in a nursing home where she died shortly thereafter. So by that measure, Dan and Joe Darcy are saints. Your Uncle Dave told me something really meaningful years ago. I was talking to him about what an abusive rageaholic Daddy was. Davey said that when he and Sophie were first married, he would act out that familiar scenario—yelling, punching holes in walls, etc. Then one day in the middle of one of those scenes, a light went off and he realized, “I don’t have to act this way.” I had a similar epiphany. It sounds like you did too. The inter-generational cycle of abuse is one of the most difficult to break and few people can do it—certainly not two kids as young, dumb, and full of come as Chrissy and Joey were when they became parents. It’s always been painful for me knowing what you kids were going through. I myself would be crying now if it weren’t for the Prozac. Before Prozac, I spent years trying to commit suicide by crying. I love you, Dear One. I’m so grateful to have you to talk to.
Looka there, she ain’t got no hair. Will you looka there, she ain’t got no eyebrows either.
Love,
Aunt Patrice
