February 13, 2013 Aunt Patrice to Job
Dear Job,
1. Job doesn’t believe I have the stomach for the truth. He’s telling me to put up or shut up. This is a dare.
Sure, because my life isn’t some happy-go-lucky fairy tale.
I’m glad I got your motivation right. We get each other.
Just can’t wrap my head around why someone like you wants to hear such garbage.
It’s not garbage. I cannot understand how someone as talented and sensitive as you fked up your life so royally. I yearn to understand it. Plus, your story is a true morality tale, a tale of redemption. That’s the best kind of story. It’s the kind people never tire of and need to hear. Few people have anything to offer the world that even comes close to what you can offer. Plus, I love you.
I do see it as a way for me to reflect, relive, and repent.
That’s how I see it. I also see potential for you to make a completely different life for yourself. You’re young, intelligent and gifted. Believe it or not, being forced to stay in one place and meditate is an opportunity. Think Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Most people spend so much of their energy frantically striving and running away from pain, they never stop to reflect, relive, and repent. You will leave the Federal Correction Institution having been corrected. You will be correct. When I said the same thing to Chrissy, she was delighted.
I also believe that my...Aunt Patrice will be able to help me with myself.
That’s my fondest hope. But I’m also doing it for me. I’m less interested in action/adventure/fantasy/erotica than in character-driven stories. I love such stories. That’s why your story is so fascinating to me. And if the time comes when you feel you need to pay me back, you can help Crane write his book the way I’m helping you write yours. I’ve always had a fantasy of helping him write his book, but he’s not ready and I may not live long enough. You need to start getting to know him. Tread lightly—the funnier, the better.
2. Are you trying to understand the split in your personality? Were you two people—one kind and the other demonic? Are you still two people?
Bipolar, split personality...just call me legion.
You may be all these things, but you also have the drive, insight and intellect to put yourself back together and that’s what you’re doing with this hard work.
3. Do you believe women are fools—Carrie, your wife, Chrissy, Molly, Archie, me? Are they more foolish by nature than men? Do you hate women?
I believe woman was God’s ultimate creation the last and greatest of all his works.
That’s moving and beautiful. Can you work on your story a bit more so that comes across?
4. Is Carrie a ministering angel sent to comfort you or one of numerous girls gone wild “with low self esteem”?
That was the whole point of the story.... I was on the verge of suicide....
I’m glad I got that. As you see, you’re very close to communicating that in your story. Do you see how it could be misread as a letter to Penthouse? You need to try to explain just how and why Carrie calmed and comforted you. Most men may get it, but most women won’t. You can help women decode men and learn not to fear them. You have something to tell women about their body images. The other day Archie said, “Do you realize that I’m the least attractive of the Darcy nieces?” Archie, even beautiful Archie, has problems with that. I despair.
5. I can’t visualize going from talking about college and Jesus almost straight to your unzipping your pants and positioning the pillow and her getting her cumbersome bulk into proper and plausibly discreet fellating position. What did you say/do in those “fifteen minutes”? You must be one seductive MF. I sent your story to a lifelong friend who’s a professional writer. Her comment was, “Brutal. I don’t buy the blow job.” I buy the blow job—because I have similar stories from the bad old days of sex, drugs and rock-n-roll—but few folks can relate.
She went from talking about Jesus and college to ... itsy-bitsy spider.
Call it a failure of imagination on my part, but I think you should flesh out this section some more. I get how hard it’ll be to make that passage work, but you can do it. You need some dialog here.
6. Why this story? Why is it the first one?
I think it gives you a clear picture of what you’re in for.
Refer back to item 1. I get it.
I don’t know how to write a book so I’ll just have to send you as many short stories as I can remember.
Good plan.
I don’t know how to write a book either, but I’ve completed some incredibly complicated projects in my life. I think the two of us can figure this out. Actually, I can see the story being the first chapter in The Book of Job. You’ll certainly have the reader’s attention. From there go waaaay back to how/why you got to where you were when a blowjob saved your life.
I trust you...
I trust you.
What is your process?... I expected Ebonics to be your native tongue.
I got a mental picture of you laughing at how stupid I am....
I would never laugh at you. I’m in awe of you. I’m being as honest with you as you’re being with me.
Yes, Ebonics is my native tongue....
Knowing Ebonics will make you one hell of a writer. There’s great rhythm and life to that language. I suspect the out classes in all societies have always developed pidgin languages. That you identify with the out class—as I always have—is part of what’s interesting and revealing about your story. In my case, I was Eliza Doolittle who, after Henry Higgins taught her to speak the King’s English, was unable to find a home anywhere.
I’m not proud of my life story.
Then be heroic and change it into something you can be proud of. It looks to me like that’s what you’re doing.
Is it important for you to know everything there is to know?
No, you have a right to your privacy. I’m not your confessor. Use your judgement.
I don’t want to be that guy I used to be but it would be impossible to tell my story without him.
Bingo!
You make for such an erotic fantasy...
I get that and it’s OK. I’m startled but not offended. When I was an adolescent I used to frantically recite The Thirteen Articles of Faith to try to avoid masturbating or having erotic thoughts. It’s abuse to inculcate that sense of shame in a child. I do not believe in thought crimes. I once read in one of the zillion books I can barely remember about a study that was done on how men and women differ in their reactions to certain stimuli. The scientists showed men and women erotic pictures and pictures of babies and filmed their subjects’ eyes while they studied the images. Women’s pupils dilated when they looked at baby pictures but didn’t dilate when they looked at erotic pictures. Men’s pupils reacted in just the opposite way. This was an aha moment for me, an epiphany. I thought, “How wonderful! It’s the life force. This is how nature makes it work. It’s beautiful!” It completely changed my view of human sexuality. I understood in a flash the male sex drive is as life affirming as the female drive to nurture. You shouldn’t feel any more ashamed of your sexual drive than I feel when I can’t take my eyes off a baby. They’re equivalent. Get it?
I’m wondering if this seed I’ve just planted will grow into a tree bearing much fruit.
It won’t bear the fruit of your erotic fantasies, but it will bear fruit. I’m not the first to draw a parallel between libido and creativity. They spring from the same place. Your drive gives you incredible creative power.
I did the same thing to Archie...
I read this passage to Archie and she said she wasn’t offended and is disappointed if you think she was. My children have no shame associated with sexuality. At least I did my best not to plant any. By the way, I haven’t shown Archie your letters to me, and she hasn’t shown me yours to her. I’ve only quoted or read passages.
Love,
Aunt Patrice
1. Job doesn’t believe I have the stomach for the truth. He’s telling me to put up or shut up. This is a dare.
Sure, because my life isn’t some happy-go-lucky fairy tale.
I’m glad I got your motivation right. We get each other.
Just can’t wrap my head around why someone like you wants to hear such garbage.
It’s not garbage. I cannot understand how someone as talented and sensitive as you fked up your life so royally. I yearn to understand it. Plus, your story is a true morality tale, a tale of redemption. That’s the best kind of story. It’s the kind people never tire of and need to hear. Few people have anything to offer the world that even comes close to what you can offer. Plus, I love you.
I do see it as a way for me to reflect, relive, and repent.
That’s how I see it. I also see potential for you to make a completely different life for yourself. You’re young, intelligent and gifted. Believe it or not, being forced to stay in one place and meditate is an opportunity. Think Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Most people spend so much of their energy frantically striving and running away from pain, they never stop to reflect, relive, and repent. You will leave the Federal Correction Institution having been corrected. You will be correct. When I said the same thing to Chrissy, she was delighted.
I also believe that my...Aunt Patrice will be able to help me with myself.
That’s my fondest hope. But I’m also doing it for me. I’m less interested in action/adventure/fantasy/erotica than in character-driven stories. I love such stories. That’s why your story is so fascinating to me. And if the time comes when you feel you need to pay me back, you can help Crane write his book the way I’m helping you write yours. I’ve always had a fantasy of helping him write his book, but he’s not ready and I may not live long enough. You need to start getting to know him. Tread lightly—the funnier, the better.
2. Are you trying to understand the split in your personality? Were you two people—one kind and the other demonic? Are you still two people?
Bipolar, split personality...just call me legion.
You may be all these things, but you also have the drive, insight and intellect to put yourself back together and that’s what you’re doing with this hard work.
3. Do you believe women are fools—Carrie, your wife, Chrissy, Molly, Archie, me? Are they more foolish by nature than men? Do you hate women?
I believe woman was God’s ultimate creation the last and greatest of all his works.
That’s moving and beautiful. Can you work on your story a bit more so that comes across?
4. Is Carrie a ministering angel sent to comfort you or one of numerous girls gone wild “with low self esteem”?
That was the whole point of the story.... I was on the verge of suicide....
I’m glad I got that. As you see, you’re very close to communicating that in your story. Do you see how it could be misread as a letter to Penthouse? You need to try to explain just how and why Carrie calmed and comforted you. Most men may get it, but most women won’t. You can help women decode men and learn not to fear them. You have something to tell women about their body images. The other day Archie said, “Do you realize that I’m the least attractive of the Darcy nieces?” Archie, even beautiful Archie, has problems with that. I despair.
5. I can’t visualize going from talking about college and Jesus almost straight to your unzipping your pants and positioning the pillow and her getting her cumbersome bulk into proper and plausibly discreet fellating position. What did you say/do in those “fifteen minutes”? You must be one seductive MF. I sent your story to a lifelong friend who’s a professional writer. Her comment was, “Brutal. I don’t buy the blow job.” I buy the blow job—because I have similar stories from the bad old days of sex, drugs and rock-n-roll—but few folks can relate.
She went from talking about Jesus and college to ... itsy-bitsy spider.
Call it a failure of imagination on my part, but I think you should flesh out this section some more. I get how hard it’ll be to make that passage work, but you can do it. You need some dialog here.
6. Why this story? Why is it the first one?
I think it gives you a clear picture of what you’re in for.
Refer back to item 1. I get it.
I don’t know how to write a book so I’ll just have to send you as many short stories as I can remember.
Good plan.
I don’t know how to write a book either, but I’ve completed some incredibly complicated projects in my life. I think the two of us can figure this out. Actually, I can see the story being the first chapter in The Book of Job. You’ll certainly have the reader’s attention. From there go waaaay back to how/why you got to where you were when a blowjob saved your life.
I trust you...
I trust you.
What is your process?... I expected Ebonics to be your native tongue.
I got a mental picture of you laughing at how stupid I am....
I would never laugh at you. I’m in awe of you. I’m being as honest with you as you’re being with me.
Yes, Ebonics is my native tongue....
Knowing Ebonics will make you one hell of a writer. There’s great rhythm and life to that language. I suspect the out classes in all societies have always developed pidgin languages. That you identify with the out class—as I always have—is part of what’s interesting and revealing about your story. In my case, I was Eliza Doolittle who, after Henry Higgins taught her to speak the King’s English, was unable to find a home anywhere.
I’m not proud of my life story.
Then be heroic and change it into something you can be proud of. It looks to me like that’s what you’re doing.
Is it important for you to know everything there is to know?
No, you have a right to your privacy. I’m not your confessor. Use your judgement.
I don’t want to be that guy I used to be but it would be impossible to tell my story without him.
Bingo!
You make for such an erotic fantasy...
I get that and it’s OK. I’m startled but not offended. When I was an adolescent I used to frantically recite The Thirteen Articles of Faith to try to avoid masturbating or having erotic thoughts. It’s abuse to inculcate that sense of shame in a child. I do not believe in thought crimes. I once read in one of the zillion books I can barely remember about a study that was done on how men and women differ in their reactions to certain stimuli. The scientists showed men and women erotic pictures and pictures of babies and filmed their subjects’ eyes while they studied the images. Women’s pupils dilated when they looked at baby pictures but didn’t dilate when they looked at erotic pictures. Men’s pupils reacted in just the opposite way. This was an aha moment for me, an epiphany. I thought, “How wonderful! It’s the life force. This is how nature makes it work. It’s beautiful!” It completely changed my view of human sexuality. I understood in a flash the male sex drive is as life affirming as the female drive to nurture. You shouldn’t feel any more ashamed of your sexual drive than I feel when I can’t take my eyes off a baby. They’re equivalent. Get it?
I’m wondering if this seed I’ve just planted will grow into a tree bearing much fruit.
It won’t bear the fruit of your erotic fantasies, but it will bear fruit. I’m not the first to draw a parallel between libido and creativity. They spring from the same place. Your drive gives you incredible creative power.
I did the same thing to Archie...
I read this passage to Archie and she said she wasn’t offended and is disappointed if you think she was. My children have no shame associated with sexuality. At least I did my best not to plant any. By the way, I haven’t shown Archie your letters to me, and she hasn’t shown me yours to her. I’ve only quoted or read passages.
Love,
Aunt Patrice
